Blazblur
by TheThotAudit
Summary: A place in which literally nothing makes sense. Goofy shenanigans and scenarios with our characters. All of that will be found here. (Got nothing else to really say about this story. I didn't even know what to rate this so I went with M for safety). Hope you all enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Before we begin I would like to say that everything and anything in this story should not be taken seriously. I have NO idea what I'm doing and since I'm still piecing together my other stories I decided to take a little load off a do something a bit… Ok REALLY out of the ordinary. So while working on them I thought up this little "series" not sure if it's gonna be one, probably not, and found myself chuckling a little to this…rather odd story of mine. Anyway read to your hearts content and you'll find…something stranger than Terumi helping an old lady across the street without throwing he back into oncoming traffic and stealing her wallet… Now for the STORY! READ ON!**

 **Chapter 1:**

It was night time, at least at her manor, but there was nothing strange about that. It was always night time and there was no scientific reason behind it. The bright moon that hovered above the large estate shined it's bright light down like it always did. Within the yard of the manor a certain pigtailed vampire stood in the middle of her rose garden, tea in hand and sitting down. However, something was ailing her, something she hated more then anything.

Boredom.

She was bored out of her mind with nothing to do or interest her. "What shall I do today…?" the vampire questions herself as she stirred her tea. She looks down into the cup and stares at her reflection within. As Rachel sat there and wonder just what she was going to do, one thing came to mind. Something, or in this case someone, who always manages to lift her boredom.

"I question what that buffoon is up too." A playful smirk comes across her face as she gets up and giggles. "This shall be a perfect way to ease my boredom. Nago. Gii."

On queue a fat black cat and a flying fat red bat appears in front of her. "Yes Princess? What's wrong?" the cat asks.

"I shall be taking my leave for a while. Go and tell Valkenhayn that I shall be taking a stroll." Rachel ordered as the two familiars go off in search of Valkenhayn. Rachel snaps her fingers as she finds herself in a lush opened field, the midday sun shining brightly down onto the field. It was actually pretty nice here and she wouldn't mind coming to this place ever so often, but the scenery isn't what she's here for. She looks both ways and questions. "Now where have I gone too? The seithr levels here are quite low… Now," Rachel mumbles. "Where is he…?"

Rachel looked around and saw a tree in the distance and a figure laying on the ground. With a joyful giggle she makes her way over to the figure, coming closer and closer and looks to see the person she was looking for apparently sleeping. A certain Grim Reaper. She stops right in front of him and looks down at the sleeping Ragna.

"Oh Ragna…" she says playfully. "Rise and shine…"

"Huh?" the white haired man groans and opens his eyes as he looks to see Rachel. "Oh…you're here…"

"Good morning Ragna… Nice day isn't it?"

"Yeah I guess… It's ah… It's a good day… So," Ragna yawns. "How's your day Rachel? You ah…you've been living life?"

"Yes I have. Thanks—Ok what's going on here?" Rachel noticed something very wrong here. This conversation was way too normal for them. Usually when she appears Ragna gets an attitude, they throw a few insults at each other, she one ups him and gets her boredom alleviated from his reactions. But this time was different. This time we wasn't budging and he was unnaturally calm.

"Come on Rachel no need to ask questions… Can't you just FEEL this breeze…? This nice gentle breeze flowing through your hair… The warm serene atmosphere? Doesn't it feel wonderful?"

"What trickery is this? Who are you and where is Ragna?"

"Come here Rachel," Ragna taps the ground next to him. "Take a seat next to your good old friend Ragna… Come enjoy this day with me…"

"U-Um…" Rachel was a little hesitant and wondered if this was really Ragna. But there was no mistaking that white hair, red jacket, large sword that leaned on the tree and mismatched eyes. She took a seat down next to him as Ragna let's out a satisfied sigh.

"So how do you feel Rachel?"

'Not even a rabbit huh?' "I'm ok… Are you Ragna? You seem a bit…mellow… Which is weird for you given that you are always such a barbarian that does nothing, but curse and carry on." Rachel says matter of factly, trying to get a rise out of him.

"Haha," Ragna laughed. "Your cute Rachel you know that? Always makin' a guy laugh…"

"Wha!?" Rachel blushed.

"Never been called cute before Rachel? I thought someone like you would always receive a compliment you deserve… This world is so weird… But I guess someone as wise as you would know that as well as anyone wouldn't you my beautiful friend."

"Ok that's it!" her tone soon switches to that of aggravation as she asks. "What is wrong with you!? This is not how you act! You always curse and yell and scream and—and—!" Rachel found herself losing her mind as she didn't know what to make of this.

"Well if you must know my adorable little Rachel," Ragna winks as she blushes hard. "I thought that I was getting a bit weak. So I decided too, from Kagura's reference, to head over here and eat some of these strange plants that grow a little ways away from here." Ragna pointed into the direction it was in which was southwest and flops his hand back down. "So I cooked it up into a little brew and now everything is just," a smile comes onto his face as he lets out a sigh. "So great…"

Rachel just looked at the mellow Ragna, a little weirded out, but more weirded out by how he was acting towards her. Frankly she kind of liked this new change. Being called cute was something she hasn't heard from him yet and to be honest it didn't bother her much. But how he acted was still peculiar. "Strange plants…" Rachel recalls Ragna talking about cooking some plants as she began to tap her chin with her finger. "No…!" Rachel gasps. "Wait he couldn't be…!" her eyes widened. "Oh my god… Ragna are y—!"

"Rachel baby…honey…sweetie…beautiful," Ragna says slowly, letting each word run off his tongue. "How about we stop the questions. And you just lay down here and watch the stars with me."

"It's…3:45 in the afternoon Ragna… There are no stars…"

"That's only if your looking with your eyes you sexy rabbit you…"

"Please…stop that…" Rachel blushes.

"What you don't like the truth babe? Then what do you want me to call you then? I just call you whatever I think you are and that's gorgeous."

"W-Well I um—No this is not right!" Rachel stood up. "Come Ragna! I shall set you straight. It is time for you to wake up from this dream of yours."

"Oh… Believe me… I came the moment I saw you…"

"Stop that you brute!" Rachel blushes.

"If you insist beautiful. Now," Ragna gets up and winks at her. "Lead the way." Rachel let's out an agitated groan as she looks up towards the clear blue sky. Ragna raises a brow. "Hey what's wrong with you? Tired or something Rachel?"

"No… Just something I am planning on doing to Kagura if my suspicions are correct."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"I'm going to kill him."

"I'd love to "kill" you if you know what I mean…" Ragna says with a mischievous grin.

"Yep. He's dead."

 **Now what could be wrong with our favorite protagonist? To be frank I've got no idea. Oh who am I kidding of course I do. And if, the people who are reading this, look close enough they'll see it too. Anyway I'm trying my hand out on some comedic action with our characters. F.Y.I. none of these events that are recalled in this story are in proper synchronized order so… No questions. Also this story wont be updated very often. Kinda just gonna be a little thing I do every now and again. Anyway hope yall** **enjoyed. See ya later!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I was gonna post this much later, but come on its April. I missed Aprils fools day yesterday so im gonna post this today. I was gonna post it yesterday, but it slipped my mind. ools day I had too with this story. Any how time to get started.**

 **Chapter 2:**

Rachel and Ragna arrive in Kagura's office as she explain the details to him. Once she finished Kagura responded the only way he could.

"Pft' HAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh my GOD!" Kagura cries in laughter as he slaps his leg. "You've gotta be kidding me! That's fucking great! I always wanted to know what those plants did if you ate them and THIS is it!? Hahahahaha!"

"You are going to do something about this right **now**." Rachel says sternly as Kagura stopped laughing immediately. "If you do not help me deal with this I will rip out your intestines and ride you like a meat toboggan."

"I'd love for you to ride me you, you sexy rabbit… Just get a room for us…" Ragna winks as Rachel blushes hard.

"You see that!?" Rachel sighs. "Valkenhayn."

A portal opens as Valkenhayn appears and bows to Rachel. "Yes Madam?"

"Please take Ragna… Keep watch over him." Rachel pleads. He asks now questions and just bows as the butler grabs Ragna by his collar and drags him into the portal as it closes.. "So," Rachel sighs. "Can you help me?"

"Mmm," Kagura began to think, letting out a hum as he tapped his chin. "Well there's nothing I can do. Maybe Kokonoe could do something, but Ragna's been real cautious of her for a long time now." Kagura says.

"Cautious? Why?" Rachel asks.

"Not really sure," Kagura shrugs. "Kokonoe won't tell me, but apparently she's been trying to call Ragna for a while but he never picks up. She's been pretty obsessed with him lately. I think it's just best not to get involve in that so let's leave Kokonoe out of this."

"As long as I do not have another problem then this… Well there is ONE more person with that ability to help, but," Rachel sighs and rubs her temples as she shakes her head in annoyance. "She isn't very…cooperative…"

"Who is it?"

* * *

"Imperator. Where should I put these?" Relius asks as Ignis held a few machines in her hands.

"I do not care where," Izanami scoffs. "Put them anywhere you wish. As long as it does not get in my way."

"Is it ok if I use your room?"

"Are you REALLY asking me this? Why," The imperator rubs her temples. "Would I ever agree to that? Just," she motions her hand for him to shoo and continues. "Put it in the basement somewhere. I am sure Nine or Terumi know where to put them."

"We what?"

Izanami turns to see Nine and Terumi walking towards her as she points to Relius. "Help Relius install that in the basement. I shall not pay the electric bill this month however. It is your turn to pay Terumi."

"Oh the hell it is… I paid that shit two months ago."

"Well than it is your turn Nine."

"No it's not it's Relius' turn." Nine retorts and points to him.

"I beg your pardon? I paid it already and now it is either you or Terumi. I do not recall who paid last month, but I am well aware that it is you or him."

"Your just sucking up to her." Terumi groans.

"Shut up. We already decided on the schedule or do I need to show you once more?" Izanami questioned.

"We seem to have a guest." Relius says as Rachel appears in the middle of the room.

"Haha!" Terumi laughs. "It's the shitty vampire!"

"Rachel Alucard…? Hehe," Izanami giggles. "I guess I can find some joy in—"

"Ok let's not do this now please." Rachel stops her and sighs. "I need help with Ragna…"

"Help?" Nine questions.

"Yes."

"And you came here?" Terumi asks.

"Yes. That is how dire this is."

"Alright I'll bite," Terumi shrugs. "What's wrong with him."

"Look for yourself… Maybe you can scare him back to the way he was before Izanami." Rachel sighs.

"Ok I am now slightly interested." Izanami says. "Very well. Take me too him. You three stay here." She commands. With that said Rachel teleports her and Izanami back to her manor. They were in front of their large door as Izanami looked to see Valkenhayn walking towards them.

"Greeting Madam Rachel," he bows. "The boy is currently on the floor in the hallway. Please follow me." The butler says as he leads the two passed the corner. They looked to see Ragna laying on the ground, both hands behind his head. They make their way over to him as they look to see a small smile on his face, his expression relaxed. Normally it's contorted in anger in some shape or form, but he was completely calm. Something Izanami has never seen before.

"What is he doing?" Izanami asks.

"Huh?" Ragna opens his eyes and looks to see Izanami. He sits up and looks at her. "Hey is that you sis?"

"What? Did he just call me… _"_ sis"?" Izanami questions. "Is this truly Ragna the Bloodedge?"

"Yes," Rachel sighs. "It is."

"So it is you," Ragna gets up with a grunt. "What are you doing here Izanami? Came to see your big brother? You wanted to be with me that bad?"

"I can not…say yes or no to that." Izanami found a conundrum in his question as she really didn't want to be here, but she was interested in what seemed to happening to him. She could already see something was wrong as normally he would shout her name. "You seem a bit… Mellow… This is quite strange."

"Ah," Ragna waves his hand dismissively. "I just cooked up some weird plants… Now I feel so free…"

"Strange plan—Oh my me he's high isn't he?"

"Yes…" Rachel sighs. She raises a brow. "Wait… Me?"

"You believe in your thing I'll believe in mine. Now…" she taps her chin. " This is interesting… I must say I do not know what to do about this… Maybe I could knock him unconscious." Izanami suggests. For once Rachel actually didn't mind that idea as Izanami raised a hand up to strike him. She brought it down, but Ragna catches it rather easily and says in a soft tone.

"Come on sis you don't need to get violent. I wonder what happened to you? You were always so sweet… But I guess things change over the years." He releases her hand and pats her head. "My little sister…"

"You will stop this immediately or else." Izanami threatens.

"Aw don't act like that. Come on… Spend some time with your brother I know you want too be here with me. Don't need to be so grumpy sis." Ragna throws an arm around and holds her close to him. "So how about you come lay down and sleep with me like we used to do when we were kids huh?"

"I shall do no such thing!" Izanami exclaims.

"You seem stressed," Ragna goes behind her and puts two hands on her shoulders. "Let me help you ease up a little."

"You will take your hands off me this instance Ragna the Bloodedge—Oh… Oh my…" her back began to arch as he massaged her shoulders. She felt her whole body go numb as she let out a relaxed sigh. "I must say… This is quite relaxing… It seems like I needed a massage."

"Right?" Ragna smiles. "I know what my sister wants. I mean we are siblings after all. I gotta watch out for you and Jin."

"Mmm… Now THIS is a massage worthy of me… Oh, Ragna," Izanami turns her head to him. "I would like you to go down by back. There are a few kinks that need to be worked out."

"Well I can't do that here. Let's find a room," Ragna picks her up in his arms. "Come on."

Normally she would protest, but she felt so oddly relaxed she didn't feel like it and wanted him to continue with his rather amazing massage of her body. His hands were that of a god and he knew exactly where to massage too. Rachel was about to say something, but found that maybe she could use this and pass the time. "There is a room just down the hall… Use that one." With that said Ragna walks off, Izanami in hand, towards the room. Rachel and Valkenhayn watch them enter and the door close as they stood there in silence.

"Madam Rachel… Do you think it is wise to leave them alone?"

"I have some concerns, but I am right here. I plan on going in as well so you just stay close. I must monitor the situation." Rachel says as she heads into the room the two just went into. She gasps as she looks to see Ragna's shirt and jacket off and thrown across the chair in the corner. "Ragna! What are you doing!?"

"Oh," he turns to Rachel. "Hey there Rachel. It got hot so I took off my top. You mind?"

"Yes put it back—Actually no…" Rachel gazed at his muscle figure and felt herself starting to drool. She shook her head and slapped her cheeks. 'No Rachel! You must concentrate! Do not focus on his glorious figure! His tone chest! And his…well toned abs… Oh my goodness those abs! It looks like you can grind meat on those glorious pecks! Mm! Oh god yes… I just wanna throw myself into those glistening muscles…! Mm…' Rachel found herself becoming lost in her own delusions and quickly slapped herself before she left the world.

She looks to see Ragna giving Izanami a massage, the death goddess laying on her stomach. "Mmm… I would like for you to do my feet now brother…"

Rachel's eye started to twitch as she watches Ragna massage her feet. However she needed to stay on task and monitor Ragna. The way he was now he could get into serious danger. Ragna soon finished with his massage as a rather satisfied Izanami laid on the bed, kicking her feet. "Mm… I feel so loose…"

"So I guess it went well sis?"

"It did brother. Now," Izanami sat up and looked at Ragna. "You are going to come back with me. Then you can always be with me."

"HUH!?" Rachel gasps.

"You're right," Izanami takes his hand and looks passionately at him, her eyes sparking. "I need you to be as close to me as possible. So come with me brother. Then we can be together like old times sake."

"What!? No! Ragna don't you dare!"

"Sorry sis," Ragna smiles. "But I think… I'll just…visit…"

"But brother!" Izanami whimpers, her voice that of when she tries to impersonate Saya.

"No buts sis," he puts a hand on her head. "Big brother is tired… So for now it's time for you to go home." He plants a kiss on her forehead as Rachel's eyes widen, her mouth agape in complete shock. Not being able to take this anymore she snaps her fingers as Izanami disappears. Once she vanished Ragna fell onto the bed and began to snore, falling into slumber.

"I can't believe what I am going through!" Rachel pulls on her hair. "Kagura! I'm coming for you…"

Afterwards the manor went silent as Rachel informed Valkenhayn she would be stepping out for a few minutes. It took her twenty minutes to come back to the manor as it was completely silent. Rachel roamed the hall as she just came back from the Yabiko branch. Having to deal with a certain high commander and turning him to cinders in his own office.

She heads to Ragna's room, strands of hair coming from her head as a tired visage took up her expression. She walked passed Valkenhayn as he made sure not to get in his mistress' eye sight. Lest he meets an early grave. The tired vampire makes her way to where she had left Ragna as it was the closest room. She opens the door with a tired push and walks in.

With a tired kick she kicks the door closed and makes her way to the bed. She crabs under the sheets and quickly falls asleep. But once she was in complete slumber a certain Grim Reaper arose.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" his eyes shot open as he quickly sat up. "Oh god what the hell! All that shit! I swear when I find Kagura," he slams his fist against his palm. "I'm gonna kill him!" he heard snoring next to him and looked to see Rachel sleeping soundly. "What the hell is she doing here…?" Ragna questions. He snapped his fingers a few times, but she never responded to him. Yep. She was out.

An idea came across his mind as he began to tap his chin. "So there's… An above average girl sleeping next to me… And nobody to interrupt." A sinister smile comes across his face. "As a man… I think there's only one option here… Hehe," he chuckles darkly.

"Your in for a rude awakening rabbit…"

 **One hour later:**

"Ugh…"

Rachel began to wake up from her slumber. She lets out a tired sigh and lifts herself off the bed. Her eyes were still groggy and half opened. She turns her head and looks to see Ragna looking at her with a rather wide smile.

"Hey there sleepy head how was your nap?"

"Ragna!" Rachel quickly jumped up as electricity ran through her fingers. Ragna yelped and quickly took cover as he falls off the bed and poked his head out to look at her. "Tell me what you did RIGHT NOW! And you MAY live…"

"I put bunny ears on your head and drew whiskers on your face!"

Rachel blinked twice. "What?" she raises her hand to her head and felt something soft. She grabbed them and took them off her head as she looked to see black bunny ears. She then wiped her face with her hand as something black was smudged on her hand. "Marker…?" she threw the ears on the bed and cleaned her face and asked. "This was your doing?"

"I drew rabbit whiskers on your face and got you some rabbit ears to go along with it and I thought it would be funny and it was!" Ragna says quickly, fear in his voice.

"Is… Is that it?" Rachel asks in confusion.

"Yeah," Ragna says. "I mean you were sleeping," he raises a brow. "The hell else would I do?"

"I mean—! You know!" Rachel blushes hard. "I mean you could have—! And I wouldn't—! D-Do you want to get something to eat?" Rachel asks, trying her best to get off the topic.

"Yeah… I could use it. That asshole Kagura is gonna get it when I find him!"

"I already took care of that," Rachel says. "He should be hospitalized for at least a few days. He put me through quite the ordeal." She snaps her fingers. "Nago! Gii!"

A portal opened as her two familiars appeared. "Yes princess?" the red bat responds.

"Tell Valkenhayn to make Ragna and I something to eat post haste. We are quite famished."

"On it!" Gii said as the two vanish. Not even a second passed as the two were back and with two plates of food. "Here you go."

"What…? How…?" Ragna questioned.

"Valkenhayn had prepared food for you princess. Then he realized that you would ask him to cook for Ragna too so he made it."

"If anything the old man's quick." Ragna says as he takes the plate. He sits on the bed as he started to eat, quickly gulping down the food as his stomach begged for it. Rachel took her plate and ate slowly, scorning a little as she heard Ragna slurping down his food.

With a satisfied sigh Ragna sets his plate down on the side table and plopped back down onto the bed. "Now that was some good ass food! Makes up for the bullshit that happened earlier."

"Yes… However I was the one who had to deal with all that." Rachel sets her plate down. Ragna felt a chill run down his spine as he moved away from Rachel.

"H-Hey rabbit I'm sorry about the ears thing ok?" Ragna apologizes. He starts to move back onto the bed as Rachel stalked him. She lunged at him and pinned him down onto the bed as she glared down at him.

"You were quite forward Ragna. Calling me all those names… You could say you've gotten me all," she licks her fangs as her words slid of her tongue. "Fired up…"

"U-Um Rachel," Ragna blushes. "Are you sure your not…"

"Oh I'm not… I'm just in heat… You can only blame yourself. There is only so much a woman can take you know. And now that you are back to your regular state of mind…" Rachel took her top off and slid it down her arms as Ragna stared wide eyed at her.

"R-Rachel… What are you…?"

"Pants. Off. **Now.** "

* * *

Valkenhayn was in the kitchen cleaning dishes and plates as he could hear them. The ceiling ready to give way as pieces of it fell down from it each time there was a loud bang.

"Ah, ah ah ah, AH! Shove it harder Ragna! Ram it right into me!"

"Oh shit! Damn Rachel!"

"AH! Harder Ragna!"

"Oh bet your sweet ASS I'm gonna go harder!"

"Oh yes! Mmm! Right there! Do it now!"

"Carnage…!"

"Yes! Do it! YEEEEESSSS!"

 **"SCISSORS!"**

 **"DISTORTION FINISH!"**

"Ah… Ragna wins…"

Valkenhayn tried his best to ignore them, but with the loud screams of pleasure and the constant thumping he only found himself getting distracted. It went on for hours and hours on end before there was silence in the house and he thanked god they stopped. If not the whole house would've come down on them and then where would they live.

"I am going to have a very unpleasant mess to clean…"

* * *

"And that's how the rabbit and I got together."

Ragna and Jin sat across from each other in a restaurant as Jin stared blankly at his brother. "Your… Your kidding…"

"Nope. True story." Ragna reassures.

"I can't believe this…" Jin sighs. "So the reason you and the vampire went missing for so long was because…"

"Endless. Sex."

"I am going to try and forget I ever heard this." Jin finishes off the rest of his coffee and puts down the cup. "I hope you know what your getting into. Once you go into a relationship it is never the same between you two. They can be quite…different around you."

"Um Jin," Ragna raises a brow. "Do we need to talk?"

"It is just Tsubaki and I. Do not worry my dear sweet brother. Just…be careful. Especially since that large ordeal with you almost disappearing on us. I can only assume the vampire will be a little more…controlling." Jin warns.

"Alright. I'll ta—"

"Ragna the Bloodedge! There you are!"

The two brothers turn and look to see Rachel storm into the restaurant. Her eyes were fixated on Ragna as she stomped over to him and pulled him out of his seat. "You and me! Right now!"

"Now!? I'm taking to my brother here give me a break Rach!"

"You may come back when I am satisfied." With that Rachel teleports them away, leaving Jin by himself.

"I'm already too late… Good luck brother. Please survive."

"Jin! I found you!"

"Oh no…" Jin gulps as he looks to see Tsubaki storm into the restaurant. She storms over to him and pulls on his ear.

"What did I tell you about leaving without telling me? You know I get worried about you!"

"I know, I know Tsu," Jin takes her hand and gently caresses them. "But I needed to speak with my brother. I'm sorry for worrying you Tsubaki. I truly am."

"Jin…" Tsubaki puts a hand on his. "I'm so sorry Jin... I just get so worried when I'm not around you. I just..."

"Don't worry Tsubaki," Jin puts a hans on her cheek as her cheeks turn pink. "I will nebet leave you."

"Jin..." Tsubaki smiles. Her expression soom changes to a rather lewd smile as she trails her finger up his chest. "How about I give you the..."midnight special" tonight? I think you deserve it for being so," she licks her lips and let's out a lewd chuckle. "Obedient to me…"

"Oh god yes…" Jin quickly took Tsubaki up as she let out a playful gasp.

"Oh Jin… Hehe." Tsubaki giggles.

"I'm gonna have some fun tonight!"

 **Oh yes you will Jin… Well Ragna I hope you don't die from too much fluid loss. I wish you luck my friend and I shall bid you all adieu. See ya next time when I update this. Probably gonna be a while… But you knows. The world, and my head, are full of mysteries.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here comes another chapter. My comedic attempts seemed to have made a few people laugh or smile. That's good. Hope this story makes more people laugh. Though I don't think it's AS funny, but it is random. But that's my opinion.**

 **Chapter 3:**

Jin sat down on a bench in a rather lively park, lost in thought on a certain someone, that someone being none other then his brother, Ragna. He had been spending less and less time with him, given that Izanami has been chasing him down or he's just been talking with other people. It irritated him and all he wanted was his brother back, and he would do anything to get him back.

"I know what I must do." The blond haired man stood up and made his way out of the park to his destination, determination in his eyes. Walking up to the higher levels of the city and into the Yabiko branch, he goes into Kagura's office and heads down to Kokonoe's lab. For some odd reason she still decided to stay, saying it was comfortable and she could be closer to, Ragna. Whatever that meant, he really didn't care. Finally reaching the scientist in question, he tells her what he wanted and she stared blankly at him.

"Are… Are you serious?" The pink haired beastkin rubbed her temples and shook her head. "Why the hell would you want that?"

"It is the only way. Now can you help me or not?" Jin asked.

"I could…but…" Kokonoe trailed off.

"But what? Hurry up, Kokonoe. I need it, now." He demanded.

"Oh shut the fuck up before I say no." Kokonoe snarled and motioned her hand for him to follow her. She leads him into another room with a bunch of gadgets and gizmos lying around. There was one hidden under a white blanket as she removed it to show it off. "This should do it. So…do you have his DNA?"

"Of course," Jin took out strands of sliver hair and a vial. "Should this do it?"

"Hair and saliva…? How in the hell did you even…?"

"I know my brother better then he knows himself. No enough questions. Let's get moving."

* * *

"Ragna, what's the matter? Are you ok?" Noel asked the groaning man laying his head on her lap. The two sat in on a park bench after roaming around town for a bit, taking a short break and eating some ice cream. Noel couldn't help, but notice how tired he seemed, and it wasn't because of them walking around. "You seem out of it."

"I am… Izanami chased me down this morning... At least I can have some peace and quiet with you around, Noel." Ragna sighed and looked up to her. "Speaking of which…are you…ok? You…"

"O-Oh I'm fine… But let's not talk about it!" Noel blushed.

"Right… Sorry for…bringing it up." Ragna rose up from her lap as his body shivered. Noel saw the worry that took form on his features and asked.

"Are you sure everything ok?"

"I don't know… I feel…a disturbance…" Ragna squinted his eyes. "Somethings…something is coming… And it ain't good." The platinum haired man turned to Noel and asked. "So how's Nu, and Lambda? They ok?"

"Actually, yes! Nu is all better now after what happened." Noel said.

"That's good. Well," Ragna got off the bench and stood up. "I'm gonna head back to the branch. Can't stay out for too long…" With a grunt he stretched his limbs. "I think, Makoto wanted you a while ago… She called while you were in the store."

"Really!? When!?" Noel asked in worry.

"About five minutes ago. Don't worry, I'm sure you can still catch her. She said she would be in the shopping district." Ragna said.

"Ok," Noel quickly got up. "Thanks, Ragna! I've gotta go!" The blond quickly ran away, leaving dust in her wake. He just chuckled and went off to the branch. Thankfully, Izanami was no where to be found so he was in the clear, but still, he couldn't be too lax. Anything could happen, and that chill he felt didn't help. He ran the rest of the way to the branch and got there in no time, sighing at his safe return.

"Well…that running made me hungry." Ragna rubbed his stomach and went to the kitchen to see food already prepared, courtesy of Hibiki. He quickly took some food and gobbled it down, letting out a satisfied sigh as he rubbed his now full belly. "Shit that was tasty."

"Ah, brother. There you are."

"Hm?" Ragna heard a familiar voice call his name. He turned to the source of the familiarity and saw a smiling, Jin walking towards him. The first thing that ran through Ragna's head was that, he was smiling? The second thing was, where was he all day?

"I have been looking for you, brother. I need you to look at this." Jin held up a small device and set it on the table.

"Is that a pregnancy test? And… Holy shit!" He gasped wide eyed as it said it was positive. "It's positive!? Is, Tsubaki pregnant!?"

"No, she is not."

"Wait so then…actually, where did you come from?" Ragna asked.

"Kokonoe."

"So SHE'S pregnant!? Oh no…! Then that means I'm—!" Ragna gasped.

"No she is not…"

"Oh thank god… So I didn't fuck up… Phew." Ragna sighed in relief.

"You are going down the line. And I shall stop you when you are incorrect." Jin said with a smile.

"So NOEL!?" Ragna gasped. "Oh crap… I knew it…!"

"You are getting warmer…" Jin smirked as a few suspicious coughs left him.

"What…? Wait…" Ragna got up and looked at him with suspicious slits. "What have you done…?"

"I think you mean what have 'WE' done." Jin exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"Brother… We're pregnant!"

"WHAT!?"

"And in eighteen years he's going to move away!" Jin said in tears.

"How the hell…!? Wait this doesn't make any sense!" Ragna started to pace around, grabbing his hair as his heartbeat skyrocketed. "How we…!? What!?"

"It is quite simple really," Jin started as a nervous Ragna focused his attention back on Jin. "I took some samples of your DNA and asked Kokonoe to form a temporary uterus inside me. Then, she injected it into me, and now…!" Jin smiled.

"Oh HELL now! Get rid of it!"

"Get RID of it? Just say it… I want you to say it, brother."

"Abortion! I want you to get a big fat fucking abortion!" Ragna demanded.

"You can't even say it…"

"Oh god," Ragna holds his mouth and gags. "I think I'm gonna throw up. Now people are gonna think I had sex with a man! And my brother of all things!"

"Enough with the theatrics. Our baby is growing within me!" Jin held his stomach. "Am I nothing to you!? This is real life! You did this to me! You need to take responsibility! Am I just some whore!? Well this **whore** has your baby!"

"Stop talking like that!"

"I thought you would be happy. I mean, I am kind of good looking. I mean…not kind of… At least I can be a runway model. You know what? Why must I degrade myself of how good looking I am? You know what? I'm sick of it. I am a very attractive man and—Gah!" Jin gasps as a fist struck his stomach.

"Is…is it dead?" Ragna asked.

"You…You struck me!" Jin gasped. "If you EVER lay a hand on me again I shall burn you in your bed and feed you to the Black Beast!" Jin said sharply as he walked out.

"Could…could you do that now?" Ragna begged, but got no response. With a sigh, he hung his head down and groaned. "Noel… I'm begging you…don't make me go through this twice…"

 **A week later…**

Ragna was in the kitchen, eating and sighing with every bit. "This is just perfect… And I thought the main story was gonna kill me…"

"Brother, I need some help."

"What is it now Ji—What…?" Ragna dropped his fork as he looked to see Jin's stomach was enlarged. "My god, how far along are you…?"

"Dunno…" Jin stopped next to him. "Anyway, can you please clean the litter box?"

"You don't have a litter box…"

"Please…don't argue with me today brother…" Jin groaned. "I haven't been feeling well as I've been experiencing a little—" Jin gagged as he barfed and wiped his mouth. "Ah…morning sickness. But I shall manage." He stroked his stomach. "It's for the baby… It's for baby…"

 **At the baby's clothing store…**

Ragna and Jin walked around looking for clothes for their child, much to Ragna's dismay. Jin ran up to some shoes and took the little pain of shoes in his hand.

"Brother, look at these pairs of shoes! They're so adorable!"

"STOP! Talking like that!" Ragna said.

"You are just going to bring down the mood aren't you…?" Jin groaned as he put the shoes down. He looked to see a pregnant woman standing by the shirts stand and calls out to her. "Oh wow…! You look amazing!"

"Thank you!" The woman smiled. She had long brown hair and wore a blue top and black pants. She rubbed her stomach and giggled. "My boys coming along great. The doctor said there aren't any problems."

"That's good. I just started a little bit ago."

"Huh… Wait…but aren't you a man?" The woman asked.

"Are you? Looking at that hair on your upper lip I wonder what kind of man would even bat an eye at you. And judging by your age and looking at your stomach, whatever youve got in there is a hundred precent brwin dead." Jin snarled.

"Ok! Thats enough." Ragna gasped wide eyed as he pulled his brother away.

"I hated that lady!" Jin scoffed.

 **At the hospital...**

Ragna and Jin stopped at the hospital to get their baby checked, and Jin dressed up as a woman to keep suspicions down. He put on some make up with a long blond wig and a dress.

"You look freaking ridiculous…" Ragna face palmed.

"I do not look too ridiculous for you to put a baby in me." Jin retorted. A second later, a male doctor with black frilly hair and dark colored eyes walked in.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Fredrickson. I will be examining you." The man said.

"Ok," Jin responded in a feminine voice. "Now can you check if the baby is healthy?"

"Of course. Now…" The doctor looked under the dress and put two fingers to his chin. "Hmm… It would seem as if your vagina has a penis and two testicles."

"O-Oh I um… I coughed and…all that came out."

"Oh, well that explains it."

'Are you kidding me!? What kind of run down place is this!? That explains it my ass!' Ragna cursed in his head.

"Now how old are you?" The doctor asked.

"Um… Fourteen?" Jin said. He looked pasted the doctor to see Ragna raising his thumb with a panicked look. "Um fifteen… B-But he didn't force himself on me!"

"Oh, ok. That's all that matters."

"Yeah so," Ragna stared blankly at the doctor. "Are there a lot of stairs in this building?"

 **Random restaurant**

"Ok so, what do you want to, brother?" Jin asked as they were now at the counter. He felt an eye and looked to see the counterman staring at him. "What you gotta problem? My husband will kick your ass."

"Stop saying I'm your husband!"

"U-Uh…!" Jin held his stomach and groaned.

"What? What now?" Ragna asked. His question was soon answered as a liquid came down onto the floor from Jin, and he knew it wasn't urine.

"My water just broke!"

"Oh god!" Ragna gasped.

"It's ok… It's ok…! Brother, call the doula! You have to call the doula!"

"W-Wha—doula!? I don't even know who that is!"

"It's a divorced women who knows about lady parts and cheers you on! LET'S GO!" Ragna pulled Jin by the arm and ran outside. They had one problem.

"We don't have a fucking ride!" Ragna growled.

"Damn it! Wait, brother! You still have the starting gun!?"

"Y-Yeah! Why!?"

"Give it to me!" Jin said. Ragna quickly took the starting gun out his pocket and handed it too Jin. He ran in front of the street as the car driving stopped. Jin quickly went to the window and held it up. "Get out of the *beep* car! Get out the *beep* car right now!" He smashed the window and opened the door as the man screamed. "Come on, get out! Come do it, do it, do it!"

The man rolled out the car as Ragna slowly put him down on the ground and got in as Jin got in right behind him. Ragna stepped on the gas and quickly drove as he looked behind him. "Did we just car jack someone?"

"We sure did, brother… We sure did…" Jin nodded, but soon the pain came back as he grunted. Ragna saw his pain and stepped on it harder, weaving around cars as he drove. "Drive faster, brother!"

"I'm a ready going over the fucking speed limit!" Ragna said.

"Damn it! Too late, pull over! It's starting to come out!"

"Wha!? Of where!?"

"I'm not sure…" Jin responded. Ragna made a hard right as he parked up. "Ok… Brother…I need you to deliver the baby…" Jin quickly took his tights off.

"O-Ok hold on a second… I think we shouldn't get the car dirty."

"Oh no, of course not. Our first priority should make sure the car stays clean." Jin rolled his eyes. "Guh! Oh god! How the hell did Murphy Brown make this look so easy!?"

"How do you even know who that is?"

"Just help me deliver the *beep* baby!"

"Ok, ok… Shit! I don't know where to look!" Ragna said in a panic.

"Well maybe you should look at the part where a baby is coming out! Oh god…! Oh god its coming!"

 **Now outside car**

"Wait don't get anything on the—!" Ragna was too late in his warning as one came out. "Seats…"

"Oh god another ones coming!"

"I don't see it!"

"I think it's coming out of my mouth!" Jin gagged and screamed. "There's more! And they're coming out of everywhere! AH! Kill me this hurts to much!"

"HOLY *beep*! What the hell is happening!?"

"Brother, save the placenta!" Jin said.

"Do you even have a placenta!?"

"Whatever comes out save it, I want to eat it."

"This is not the time for that!"

"Ok, brother, who many of them are there now!?" Jin asked.

"Um…three…four, five, six!"

Random guy walks and looks into the car. "You know… I woke up for a gay wedding this morning… I was not expecting this…"

 **Back in Jin's room at the Yabiko branch…**

The room was filled with kids that looked like the combination of Jin and Ragna. Some had a mixture of white and blond hair, while others just had blond or white. Some even had red or green eyes, or both. Jin took one up and set them in a cradle.

"Ok… I just put Rick and Morty to bed. Also I saw some trying to eat each other so...that's something we need to watch out for."

"This… This is a nightmare…" Ragna sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Come on, brother. Look on the bright side. One day we will go out, get married and have children. At least this way, we can get some training." Jin smiled and pointed to one. "Hey look that one looks exactly like you."

"Hm?" Ragna turned around and saw a baby with the same eyes as him. He picked him up as the babies small hands reached out to him. "Hey… You know…this guys…actually kinda cute. Kinda looks like a mini me." He holds the baby as it giggled and hugged him.

"Ah, see there you go. Aw, Dick really likes you."

"I like Dick."

"Ha! You like dick! His names not Dick you idiot, it's John!"

"Shut up…"

 **Wow… I did this on the fly after watching a few family guy episodes. I'm sorry, I had to add those beeps. Well anyway, this was much longer then the other one, but I hoped you guys enjoyed this randomness. Tales of Azure will be the next updated, and it will be out soon. Probably Sunday or next Monday. I'm having that summer fever! See ya!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, haven't updated this in a while. Might as well give you a few updates. Besides, I'm hype asf with that new BB CTB trailer. The animation was gorgeous.**

 **Chapter 4:**

You know, there's a saying; when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But this? There were no lemons here… All he wanted was bleach.

Trotting down the main street of Yabiko pushing along a stroller carrying two babies within and another on his back was none other than the legendary SS class criminal himself. Beside him and in a far better mood than the brooder Reaper was his brother, Jin Kisaragi. Or…wife? Husband? Who the hell knows? Jin's called him so many names he just stopped caring. They were just kicked out of a store because Jin made the conscious decision of picking a fight with another mom. Why? Again, who knows?

Finally arriving at their destination, the two brothers…? Uh, lovers? Found their way to a vacant area at the far end of the park to rest to vibrant babes kicking around in their knapsacks and strollers. Ragna doing his best to ignore the stares he received.

"Ugh, come on, you little bastards, stay still," Ragna groaned letting them out to play as Jin did the same with his batch. Though…there were a few oddities in the group. One of which Ragna held up. "Hey, Jin, I'm not a doctor, but babies have bones, right? This one's kinda…"

"Hm. I think this one is blind. And…yep, this one is deaf. I wonder if anyone will find these children strange?" Jin wondered.

"Ah, right, the fact that these kids came from another man isn't the weirdest thing in this situation." Ragna deadpanned.

"Shit, what will school be like? I can't imagine the money we'd have to spend"—jin rubbed his temples, neither aware of the blind baby teetering on the edge of the lake beside them—"will we have to take out a loan?"

"The hell do you mean money? And schools!? First off: I don't have a job! Secondly: SCHOOLS!?"

"Simple; go get yourself a job since you insisted I stay home and take care of our children. And not this 'Grim Reaper' crap anymore—we discussed this last night in bed that our kids can't grow up in a home like that!"

"What the fu—! We never discussed that! What we really need to discuss is how the hell are we gonna deal with these damn kids!? And what do you mean by none of this 'Grim Reaper' crap anymore? The hell you tryin' to say?" Ragna mentally slapped himself in the face for sounding like an irritated dad arguing with his wife.

"What I'm trying to say is that you need to find yourself a REAL job! We have kids now! We can't think of ourselves anymore! Or are you so self-centered you can't stop to think about your own family!?"

"Why're you acting like such a dick!?"

A sigh. "I don't know—I'm sorry. It's just…I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I keep telling myself that the moment we get ourselves on some kind of schedule, everything will work itself out. And I don't want to end up like those two buffoons from Sunshine Cleaning." Jin said.

Ragna paused for a moment of thought. "Wait would I be the mom or the sister?"

"The sister."

"Oh god…"

* * *

Exhausted and sprawled across the floor while the kids played and made a ruckus were Jin and Ragna. Dreary eyes fighting to remain opens to make sure none of them tried to eat each other. They already lost two of them that way…

"How the hell can anybody survive raising three kids? This is bullshit…" Ragna groaned.

"Three!?" Jin shot up. "I thought we were down to six!"

"Well, the blind one fell in a pool, the deaf one didn't hear Kagura's motorcycle, and Tao thought Morty looked like a meat bun," Ragna responded.

"Huh… That's a shame."

"L-Look, Jin, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I need some time off." Ragna stood up as Jin sprung up with him.

"What!? You can't just leave me here! How long!?"

"I-I don't know! I just need a couple days, maybe weeks."

"Weeks!? You can't do that—what about these kids!? Do you expect me to look after them alone while you're relaxing? If you think I'm going to allow you to walk away from this, you're crazy. The whole point of this ridiculous farce was for us to finally spend more time together—and I'll be damned if I'll let you walk away from this." Jin stressed.

"Spend more time—? The hell are you talking about? Actually, I think it's about time you start explaining yourself on why've you been so damn clingy?" Ragna crossed his arms waiting for his brother, tapping his feet in impatience with a hardened glare. One which Jin found himself weakening too.

A sigh. "After everything transpired, you've been so distant. I figured that, if we had a baby or something, we could spend more time together like we used to back at the church."

"How the hell does that make any sense!? You had a baby so that we could spend more time together!? You're the one who's always so moody. Shouting about how you wanna kill me and all that crap. I just figured you needed space. I've always wanted to get back our connection."

"But I've wanted to reconnect with you too, but you've been getting further and further away from me. All I wanted was to retain the connection we shared during our childhood days, but every time I try to find you you walk away." Jin said.

"Are you…serious? If that's the case…" Ragna and Jin looked around and observed the mess. "This was completely ridiculous…"

"I…suppose it was."

…

…

…

…

…

"How attached are you to these freaks of nature?"

"Not in the slightest."

 **Outside an orphanage**

"They'll find better homes," Ragna said.

"Agreed."

* * *

 **Yabiko Branch**

Kagura emerged from his office with a strong yawn, ready to plop himself down in the cafeteria and drink his heart out. Only to stop and hide finding a surprising duo chatting and not trying to kill each other. Ragna the Bloodedge and Jin Kisaragi? Smiling and laughing? Did he miss something? Kagura used the stealth skills acquired from his brothers to get a little closer, trying to zero in on their conversation. And to his amazement, they were having a…pretty normal conversation. Just catching up. Kagura just smirked and took his leave, sadly at the best part.

"You know, brother, I learned something today."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes," Jin nodded with a confident smile. "If you wish to reconnect with someone, all you have to do is have a baby."

Ragna sweatdropped. "So close, Jin… You were so close to being a normal guy."

 **And done! Finally got to posting this, but I'm not sure that's much of a life lesson, Jin…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Within the NOL branches central boardroom, a plan brewed constructed by Izanami herself. A plan which required Terumi, Relius, Nine, Nu, and herself to complete. A plan so important no matter what must be done, only success must bear fruit. Standing before the slide projector was Izanami. Seated before her were Terumi, Relius, Nu, and Nine.

"Now, do we all understand the plan?" Izanami queried.

"Yeah, I get the plan but…why?" Terumi had to ask. Sitting here for four hours hearing her rant and yammer on probably killed every brain cell his body occupied.

"Why? What do you mean, why? Why else must I visit my brother to obtain him for myself? No reason is more sensical than that! All you need to do is follow my plan, and we shall secure him with no problem; however, she may get in the way." Izanami grit her teeth. "That accursed vampire… Even she will not stop me from obtaining him! I will have big brother to massage me, pat me, and cater me!"

"This mission is just so you can have that moron baby you? You're unreasonable," Nine growled.

"Ah, yes, says the woman who tried to eliminate the world because she wanted her little sister to herself. But I'm the unreasonable one." Izanami countered.

"Yes, but if I remember correctly, didn't Ragna the Bloodedge…how do these people say it? 'Curbstomp' you all during the main story?" Relius chimed in.

"Yes, Ragna beat Nu up—and seeing his face so worked up got Nu so hot!" Nu hugged herself, already blushing and panting. "Our sticky mess mixing as he called out Nu's name so many times…! Haah! Nu wants him closer so they can finally become one! Ah! Ragna!"

Terumi sweatdropped. "I can't believe I'm stuck with this shit. Alright, wheel of death doesn't come on until five o' clock anyway. Let's just get this over with. Besides, how hard can this be?"

 **Yabiko Branch: Kokonoe's lab**

"Hey! Back the hell up, Kokonoe—I know those damn eyes and I told you, no!" Ragna shouted, retreated as Kokonoe approached with one thing in mind. Golden half-lidded eyes boring holes into his being and raking his body. Mainly his crotch. Ragna should've known this is what she wanted. He probably should've taken the hint when she asked him to come down for some maintenance on his left arm.

"Don't be a tease, Ragna. And it doesn't matter where you go or what you do—I'll ALWAYS find you. So why not just sit down and let me have what I want!" Kokonoe lunged at him then as Ragna threw himself to the right—but thanks to Kokonoe's quick cat-like reflexes, she bounced off the wall and threw herself to pin Ragna down. "Got'cha…! Heh heh…"

"N-No…! Help me! I don't care who, just somebody get this bitch off me!"

As if answering his call, the wall at the far end of the room blew up as figures stepped out from the smoke. One by one the dirt and debris cleared as Izanami, Nine, Nu, Terumi, and Relius made themselves known. Guns, grenades and the sort in hand and thrown around their bodies.

"You know… I'll take it."

"Mother!? What are you doing here!? And what are you wearing!? Why do you have so many weapons!?" Kokonoe asked.

"Ah, my adorable daughter. It seems we came barging in at the wrong time; don't worry, we aren't here to cause trouble. We just want, Ragna." Nine explained.

"The woman who just busted down a reinforced wall doesn't want troubled? Wow… That's probably the biggest load of bullshit taken since Central Fictions ending." Ragna said wooden face.

"Ugh, tell me about it…" Terumi rolled his eyes.

"Ragna? No, you aren't…!" Kokonoe gasped.

"Yes," Izanami's lips curled into a sadistic grin as, out of nowhere, she pulled up a minigun and aimed it at the pair. "Now, hand him over, and I promise I won't kill you."

"Kuh!" Quick thinking, Kokonoe kicked over the table and threw herself. Immediately did sadistic laughter follow from Izanami as bullet poured from the minigun.

"H-Hey! What's going on!?" Ragna asked, more to himself then to the beastkin who pinned him.

"I'll explain later!" Kokonoe put two fingers to her ear. "Get down here! We have a code: R! I repeat! All hands! Go with plan E!"

"Code: R? Plan E? The hell is—?"

Another boom rattled the walls of the laboratory, stopping Izanami gunfire as Noel, Makoto, Celica, and Lambda emerged. Various guns and grenades of their own with some new military outfits. Huh… Not bad actually.

"So, you did show up, after all, Izanami. We've been waiting for you," Noel scowled.

"Successor to the Azure, what a surprise. To think you would stand in my way… An irritating little vixen you have turned out to be. Keeping my dear brother to yourself." Izanami scowled. "Just thinking of the fun you and big brother must've had makes me sick."

"Your dear brother!? Those are fightin' words!" Noel leapt first, joined by Celica and later Kokonoe who had apparently changed into army clothes. Ragna peeked from the corner of the turned table, watching the gunfight blank-faced.

"Ragna, are you ok?" Lambda bent down to him.

"Ok!? There's a firefight going on ten inches in front of me, and you're asking if I'm ok!? Just—! Tell me what's going on!" Ragna demanded.

"I'm sorry, Ragna, but we have to escape first! Let's go!" Lambda pulled the Reaper off the ground and led him out the lab to the main lobby. Explosions from the bottom floor could be heard from the catfight (if you could call it that) ratling the entire branch. Before they could reach the exit, Lambda tackled Ragna back as the entrance blew up.

"Ragna, are you ok!? You're not hurt are you!?"

"I-I'm not, but… I can't breathe with my face in your chest!" Ragna shouted, but was muffled by her outrageous soft breasts his face was currently being squeezed between.

"R-Ragna, don't talk…"

"Don't make that face!"

"Harlet… You dare defile my big brother with your body?" Venom dripping from every word. Death replacing the air they once breathed. There was no doubt about it…

"Izanami!" Lambda shot up and pointed her gun at Izanami. "How did you escape!? And you did you get past me!?"

"Apparently this fanfic has its head up its own anus."

"Well, that answered literally every single question I had…" Ragna said.

"But enough about that"—her face curled in a sickening smile, giggling—"I'll be taking my brother back with me. That way…he had I can be together forever and bring death upon this world!"

"Kuh! Of course, you want to use Ragna for something like that. I'll protect Ragna and his babies no matter what!" Lambda declared.

"Yeah, how about you—whaaaat…?" Ragna looked to Lambda.

"Hmph. So you've figured it out? As expected from those I consider my rival. However…"

"!" Lambda finding Izanami before her. Before she could counter strike, a palm dug into her gut which was followed by a kick that sent her to the bouncing and skidding across the marble floor. Man, Hibiki is gonna have a hard time cleaning this up…

"Lambda!" Ragna gasped, only to be taken off the ground by his neck by Izanami.

"Now, let us go home, brother. We won't ever be apart again."

"Step away from my wife you bitch," a sharp, chilling voice said behind her. Izanami just chuckling dropping Ragna to the ground, and when they looked to face the voice, Ragna gasped finding Jin holding an Ak-47.

"Jin, it's you! And I'm not your wife! I thought this fic wasn't gonna go in chronological order!" Ragna ranted.

"Jin Kisaragi… My mortal enemy…" Izanami walked over to stop a spears distance away from him. "You were on my highest priority list of targets today. How dare you have babies with brother!"

"Brother is my wife. And I won't let anyone hurt my wife! Prepare yourself!" Jin charged at her.

"Fool!" Izanami charged at him.

"What in the hell…?" Ragna mumbled watching Izanami and Jin duke it out.

"Ragna, come with me!"

Ragna's head turned to the whispering voice to find Celica, and quietly, he made his way over. Doing his best not to alert the two siblings doing their damndest to murder the other. However, he was more concerned with Celica in the state she was in. Covered in wounds and clothes torn as if thrown into a paper shredder.

"Celica, what the hell happened!?"

"Don't worry; right now we need to get you out of here. Come with me if you want to live."

"Meh, it'll do…"

"Gah!" The sound of pain stole their gazes as Jin came flying by to crash into the far wall. Covered in bruises and blood, he slipped from his indent in the wall and hit the floor with a thud.

"Jin!" Ragna ran to his brother and knelt to him. "Come on, Jin, hang in there!"

"B-Brother…" Jin reached a bloody hand to him. "Run away… She is far too strong… Her lust for you is driving her to new heights. P-Please, br…other…" Slowly, his hand fell as his head fell limp and his eyes closed.

"Jin! Jin! Come on—don't die on me man! JIN!"

"…Maybe if you kiss me, I'll wake up?" Mumbled Jin.

"And that's where I draw the line," Ragna dropped his brother and stood.

"You fought well, Jin Kisaragi," Izanami chuckled. "But this fight guaranteed that the weaker of us would be culled; unfortunately, it was you."

"Heartless!" Celica stepped in, aiming her pistol at Izanami. "I won't let you lay a finger on, Ragna! He's staying here, and he's coming to MY room later on!"

"I don't even know what to say to that…" Ragna's eyes scrolled from Celica to an oddball rolling between the feet of Izanami and Celica. But far too late to alert her, the meal ball opened as electricity erupted from it. Screams poured from their mouths as a smoking Izanami, Celica, and Ragna dropped to their knees.

"Kuh! Who dares!?"

"Hehehe… What an amusing sight. It has all gone just as I'd hoped…"

Ragna's eyes widened to the approaching culprit. "N-No… Not you…!" Black ribbons which tied her hair in pigtails. That smile and gothic lolita dress…! "Rabbit!?"

"M-Ms. Rachel…! I knew…you would betray us!" Celica rose along with Izanami. "We had a deal, Ms. Rachel!"

"Yes, he _had_ a deal; however, I never promised I would stay true to our little bargain, now did I? Like sheep, you so easily follow the whims of your master. And like those sheep you run off the cliff without turning back to see the evil grin of the herder. Foolish girls… Did you truly think I would give my Ragna up to you?"

"Wait wait wait—YOU'RE Ragna?" Ragna asked wide-eyed.

"Hmph. If you think you have me beat, then you are sorely mistaken, Rachel Alucard. Ragna likes a little supple with his woman, and even if you took him, I don't think you would measure up," Izanami grinned. "Over a hundred years and you have not grown. Such a shame… I think Clavis is turning in his grave as we speak."

"But, if we're going by sizes, doesn't that mean I win?" Celica blinked innocently. "I mean, I'm bigger than both of you combined. Doesn't that make me a better fit for Ragna?"

"B-Bigger does not always mean better. And when I said bigger, I also met supple and firm. While my breasts may lack size, its firmness makes up for it!" Izanami proudly claimed.

"If anyone is having, Ragna, it's going to be, Nu!" Burst Nu from the woodworks along with a battered Noel and Makoto. "Nu didn't come and fight just to have Ragna taken away by some loli old hag!"

"Loli old hag, you say?" Rachel gave Nu her full attention. "Very well… It seems you wish to die first."

"I could say the same to you," a voice said from behind. Something cold pressed against the back of Rachel's head, and from the corner of her eye, Rachel saw Kokonoe.

"You managed to defeat them? Not bad…"

"You gave them the information, didn't you? What I want to know is, why?"

"Wait…why did this get all serious all of a sudden?" Ragna wondered.

"Why, you ask? Simply; this was the most effective way to achieve my goal. Waiting around grew tiresome, and I couldn't stand having to prolong this any further. I refuse to twiddle my thumbs and wait for my chance. And I've been meaning to be rid of this pointless truce!" Rachel contorted her body around and pulled a gun from her dress to fire. By luck did Kokonoe dodge it.

"You really are the enemy… In that case…!" Noel busted out fenrir. "You better prepare yourself! I won't hold back—even against you Ms. Rachel!"

"I'm right behind you, Noellers!" Makoto said.

"Kuh! Like I'm going to let your harlets…take my brother…!" Jin struggled to rise, but once he did, his heart stopped finding Tsubaki in front of him.

"There you are!"

"O-Oh, um, Tsubaki! W-Where did you come from?" Jin asked.

"From upstairs!" Tsubaki pulled his ear. "I could hear this racket from the top floor! You couldn't keep it down!? Makoto! Noel!"

"Y-Yes!" The two stiffened.

"You two better explain all of this to me later, but for right now…!" Fixing her gaze to Izanami, she pulled out two dual pistols. "I'll make you pay for hurting my Jinnybear!" Tsubakileapt to Izanami with everyone else joining in a massive brawl that knocked a coming Kagura out the window.

* * *

"…And that's what happened." Ragna sighed to Bullet who sat across from him. Explosions rattling the city and smoke raising from the branch where the battle still took place.

"Sounds tough…"

"It was," Ragna sighed. "I barely managed to get outta there. Speaking of rough, how's your training going with Tager? Here he really has a stick up his ass."

"Captain is an extraordinary teacher. Right now we are currently working on one of my flaws."

* * *

 **Some forest**

"So, Captain, are you going to teach me something new today?"

"Yes, Bullet. It's something you seem to be struggling with lately, and it needs our top priority."

"Really? And what—?" Before Bullet could state her query, Tager blasted her with a giant ball of electricity that left the now smoking tan-skinned woman switching on the ground.

"DODGE!"

* * *

"Ah… I see."

"But there is one thing I'd like to ask. Its been bothering me ever since you began this story…" Bullet said.

"Sure, ask away."

"How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?"

"…"

Ragna stood up and took a knee.

"What are you doing?"

"…"

"Ragna, you can't just take a knee until the fic is over—"

 **And that brings this fic to a close. Wrote as I went along and I don't give a FUCK! Tried to squeeze out more, but I lost my train of thought like halfway in. Not like there was much sense going on in my head anyway XD.**


End file.
